Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Debo's bachelorhood ends

When Scan picked me up from the Phoenix Airport, Paul instructed him to "Do not pass Go" and go directly to his apartment in Scottsdale. He insisted we pre-party before we head out to the James Hotel to meet up with the rest of the bachelor party.
By the time we got to the hotel, I was a bit fuzzy around the edges. But I did know one thing about Arizona already: It was fucking hot. Actually as soon as I got to the pool, I learned something else: Arizona chicks are all ridiculously hot too.

We lounged at the pool for a while under the blazing sun and the hotel's mist-sprays. After I had made my first purchase of beer from the bar, (which was $6, for an Amstel Light) I was kindly informed of the multiple-cases of beer at Clint's poolside room from which I was invited to indulge myself. That room became our "bar" for the rest of the weekend.

That night we headed to the Kona Grill. Of course it was packed to the brim with beautiful people. Rhinehart was suddenly being given shit for his ID. Rhinehart is the unfortunate recipient of a DUI and had since had his license taken away. So the manager says, "He can stay and hang out, but he can't drink, since we only accept out-of-state DRIVERS LICENSES... not Identification cards."
Of course we were blown away. "WHAT?!" We have dinner reservations for 17 people. We are all borderline alcoholics! We were about to drop some serious coin in this joint. Reluctantly, Rhinehart went to the booth and sat quietly.
"This is bullshit," I said and ordered two shots of Patron Silver. I passed one over to Rhinehart and said. "Fuck it dude. Drink it." He took the shot quickly and silently.
Two minutes later the manager comes to our table.
"The bartender just told me you ordered two patron shots, and you gave it to your friend. You guys are out."
Fuck you very much asshole.
Luckily for us, right next door at Z Tejas Grill welcomed us and our money happily. They let us all drink and everything. Plus, the food was incredible. I ordered pork medallions on mashed potatoes, which were perfectly cooked and tasted unbelievable.

After dinner we did what any bachelor party groups do. We hit up the strip club. A $20 ride in a Town Car took us to Christie's Cabaret. Christies resembles a Vegas style monster strip club. Fancy schmancy and all that. The girls were hot. The drinks expensive. Lap dances all around.

Day two:
We hoofed it to the Breakfast Club. Now this place proves that chicks are hotter in Arizona. The waitresses here were as good-looking as the strippers at Christie's. One looked like a 20 year-old Elizabeth Hurley. The hostess could've been her hotter sister. Oh yeah,.. the food was good too.
The rest of the morning was essentially a ghetto tour of the Scottsdale/Tempe/Phoenix area. I rolled with Paul while he ran errands around town, met some of his shady friends. We then headed back to the Hotel pool.
The rest of the day is hazy. I do remember laying out in the sun with a Stoli-water-and-lime on rocks. NWA was on the ipod. Natural Light in the cooler (because we're high rollers like that) and really hot waitresses delivering waters to us.

We went to the sushi joint RA that night. and the plan was to go to Suede afterwards. But when I got in the cab from the restaurant, Butz, Paul and Scan decided they wanted to go to Skin instead. Skin (I couldn't find a link) is a strip club in case you haven't guessed. It is significantly smaller than Christie's, but the talent was much better in my opinion. Butz literally fell in love with one dancer in particular who's time he monopolized for at least an hour and a half (or however many songs $200 would buy). Fired up, Paul dropped two stacks of ones on me to distribute to the dancers and promptly ran home to his fiance (for some lovin' no doubt)... Scan and I watched as the beautiful brunette with perfect (real) breasts held Butz lovingly. We laughed our asses off as he gently stroked her fingers and caressed her hair and whispered "I Love You" to her. We left him there and took off to Suede with just enough cash for the cab ride.

Suede was hopping. Tons of chicks. All of them as hot as the strippers we were just watching, but not as naked. After a few hours of drinking and I was done for.

So Arizona proved to be an excellent town for a bachelor party. There must be 15 strip clubs and a million bars in the Phoenix, Scottsdale, Tempe area. If you hate hot chicks and hot weather,... stay away from Arizona.

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