Going out first

Poker last night. $40 buy-in 9 handed No-limit Hold em freeze out tourney.
Not a good one for me… It’s quite embarrassing for me to say this, because I had such high hopes for myself; I got knocked out first. (sigh) Of course I am a terrible loser, and am kicking myself for doing what I did. What did I do, you ask? First of all, let me prelude this with,… I am a dumbass.
Early in the game: I make a big raise from late position with shit, hoping to steal. I get re-raised and I fold. A few hands later, I get AK in middle position, raise pre-flop. Dylan re-raises, player to my right goes into the tank. He considers going all-in, and then folds. I go all in (having seen Dylan overbet a previous pot)… He goes all-in and flips over QQ. Flop, turn, river are no help I’m out.
FUCK. That was not cathartic at all.

The tourney was finished two hours later. It was probably one of the fastest touneys yet. Not because of the blind structure, which I thought worked well. But the players at the table were hyper-betters. No f-ing around. They went right to it. After me, one dude got knocked out probably two hands later. By 9:30 it was over.

We started a second 5 handed $10 buy–in tourney immediately afterward. It didn’t take us long to get heads up… Dylan, Jeff, and Chad got knocked out very fast… Like within 20 minutes. It was left heads–up between Paul and myself. Then my brain farted. I got limped with (what I thought was 10-4) Flop came T64. I check, he checks. Turn comes T. I check, he raises, I go all-in. He calls and flips over 74 giving him a pair of 4s. I flip over my cards and say “tens”. Except the cards show J4. SHIIIIIIITTT!
I misread my cards! How could that have happened?

That wasn’t cathartic either.

On a less shitty note: The players loved the Nexgen chips. Several guys talked about how great they felt and wanted to get a set themselves. Good. One positive aspect of an otherwise fucked-up shitty, shitty night.