Expectation

Bay Meadows was a good time. Wagering on the horses is more fun than playing the lotto, and with much worse payouts. All in all I sunk a total of $70 on a series of crapshoot bets, beers and admission, which came with a free Bay Meadows sweatshirt. Despite the fact that I am at best a mediocre gambler, I always fully-expect to win. High-expectations breed disapointment. Needless to say, I am often disappointed when it comes to gambling. Even with the lotto, especially when the jackpot reaches $30 million or more, my fantasies of winning practically consume every moment of thought. And when I don't hit my numbers (never have, probably never will), I am legitimitely disappointed. I know this is a ridiculous waste of important emotional output. But I'm really upset. Because it means that the vacation on the chartered cruise ship with everyone I know is cancelled, I am no longer going to get that Porsche I've always wanted, no more 5 BR mansion in the Los Altos Hills, forget about getting my pops whatever he wants, or paying off my brother's B-school bills, or giving my boss the finger. Those dreams are quashed, and I'm still stuck here, short-stacked, holding J-9 with just enough chips to cover one more blind.